Susan\’s deepest wound came from an inability to feel love. For many years, decades really, she struggled to feel love. It did not matter how hard those around her tried to love her it just never got through to her. The result was that she thought that she was so bad that she was unloveable. In fact if she loved anyone the kindest thing she could do for them was to protect them from her and place herself in a sort of quarantine.
What was worse she felt that there was no reason why others should be kind to her. It did not matter if those around her treated her badly because there was no reason why she should be treated well. After all she could point to many times where different people at different times had not protected her or helped her in the way she thought they should have done.
Financial issues
That was how she became a financial anorexic. A what! This is not taking the medical condition that some teenagers struggle with lightly. The connection is that some people who keep themselves on a very strict spending regime because of the way that they see themselves. Of course the physical consequences of living with a strict spending regime are not as dangerous in terms of starving to death. However people with both conditions are trying to achieve an aim that others see as inappropriate. They are linked because it is the way the victim sees themselves that causes them to behave in a way that others see as excessively restrictive.
Ever heard of something called the belief expectation cycle. The idea is that we believe something that is unhelpful to us. We then behave in a way that helps others believe that we should be treated in a way that reinforces those beliefs. They may even realise that treating us like that is wrong but our behaviour manipulates them into treating us that way. When they treat us like that it just reinforces the belief that others will treat us that way. What has that got to do with this story? It added an extra dimension to this part of the story. It is not surprising that someone who has issues of that magnitude in relation to money will end up in a relationship with someone who has the sort of issues with money that could led to further issues developing.
Good Provider Poor Provider
One of the things that Susan has done when she had had problems is find a book on the topic. Maybe that is why she runs out of fingers when she tries to count up how many bookcases she has. Amongst the books on financial issues that she read was Robert Kiyosaki\’s Rich Dad Poor Dad. It contrasted the financial lessons he learned from his natural father, his poor dad and his best friend\’s father who he called his rich dad. Those lessons became the basis of a small library of books, a coaching training business and even a board game. Rather than gaining this kind of experience at one time Susan managed to gain it consecutively and it has been when looking back that she has been able to make some comparisons.
Good provider worked hard (probably too hard at times but that is another story). They used their money wisely to make money. They worked for the same employer for over 30 years. They built up a part time business that became a full time business when they retired. Good provider was able to help various members of their family when they needed help whether in the generation before then their own generation or the generations following them.
Poor provider never seemed to have any money to use to make money. They spent whatever money they had on what gave them pleasure. They did try some different ideas to make money but somehow they never quite worked out. They managed to stay with one employer for 15 years but after that entire industry disappeared, they struggled to stay with one employer for even 5 years. Poor provider helped Susan learn more how to live on very little and even for a short period on no income whatsoever. This might sound impossible with the Welfare State that developed in the UK in the later part of the 2oth century, but a strange set of circumstances meant that there was no money coming in from anywhere for 3 months. They did try various ways of making money but somehow the businesses they were involved in fizzled out and died. They even got into a downward spiral of borrowing money in order to maintain appearances. Poor provider was hardly able to help themselves never mind others.
The ideas in books like Rich Dad Poor Dad and other build up your wealth type books are not just theory to Susan. She has seen enough in comparing these two men to recognise the truth in them. She knows the importance of having enough character to make good choices. She knows the importance of making the right choices. She knows that choices made now about how you spend your time and money will have an impact on you and your family possibly for generations.
Business development
The search for practical information relating to those issues led to much research on first thrifty living and later on ways of making money. A journey that led to the realization of the importance of reducing debt and increasing increasing income. Reading about thrifty living only encouraged financial anorexia. Yet much of what is written about increasing income is about becoming wealthy and even a millionaire. Very different outcomes. Of course one of the best ways of becoming wealthy is to set up a business.
The only way to find out how to do this is to do it. Ouch! That is a challenge given how far Susan has come in terms of her initial wounding. To run a successful business you need to be able to reach out and relate to other people. To run a successful business you need to sufficiently value what you are doing to set a price that enables a profit to be made. To run a successful business you need to know how to meet the needs of others and be able to develop products or services that they find attractive. No wonder some people say that that setting up a business is the biggest personal development program they have ever embarked upon.